Whether you are newly married or in a long-term relationship, creating a good relation between you and his parents is a real challenge, especially with his mother! There is no rule that there always is a war between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, but in most cases the relationship is not one of friendship, especially if the two live under the same roof. Problems can arise all from all type of reasons. But you need to keep in mind that the mother-in-law is a simple mother who wants to defend her baby. Everything can be solved with little patience and understanding.
Over 80% of the those difficult relationships between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law have one of these explanations:
The theory of struggle for control. As a rule, before marrying with you, your partner’s mother was the one who held the dominant position in his life. She was the strongest female presence. With your presence, the mother-in-law lost her status. At first she can be happy for her son that he has found a good match and babies might come soon in the near future. But, in time and after seeing that you do things in a different way than she does, she may start to fear somehow that her son will not listen to her anymore and that you will be the new head of the family. These feelings towards you can trigger the first tensions and conflicts.
The theory of the overprotective mother. A mother will always be a lioness when it comes to the safety of her baby. However, for some mothers, it does not matter if the son has already passed the teenage age and is a man now. She will behave as if she has to protect a tiny little baby. Her instinct can make it aggressive, and every intruder may be seen as a threat. Things can get ruined quickly after you notice that you have a different style in doing different things.
Theory of jealousy. A mother who has become a mother-in-law can show signs of jealousy over her son’s relationship with his partner. An explanation would be that the mother feels that her son will not love her anymore that he does not need her anymore. This mother-in-law does not necessarily oppose her son’s love for his wife, but feels neglected and being left apart. Things get worse when she is deliberately launching these jealousy signs and complicating relationships between you.
But, here are some useful tips that can help you get started with the right relationship with your “future mother”:
- Respect her if your want to be respected!
Respect must be the basis of any relationship. That means listening and being polite. So, you should make some rules from the very beginning that will help you understand exactly what is her place in your life.
- Do not ask for advice to improve the relationship with you husband / her son!
Even if she knows him better and some tips can be useful to you, askinf for her help is like opening the Pandora’s Box.
- Keep couple problems far from her, just for you and your friends!
For any mother, her son is the pride of the family. So, do not criticize him at all in front of her. Since she was responsible for his growth and education, it may be that the small defects you found in him, to be taken personally by her, and this is how tensions might arise.
- Share the visits to the parents- in- law equally!
Doing so, there will be no discussion because you spend more time with your parents than with his parents.
- Show her that you care a lot about her son!
She will be happy if she sees her son is in good hands and being loved.
- Do not interfere with mother-son relationship!
Even if he is with you now, he will not cease to be his mother’s boy. Try to understand it and do not criticize his mother.
- Set up a program of visits!
If you do not live with your parents, set up a visit schedule to avoid surprises. Ask them to call before coming to visit, motivating that because of the full program and that they might not find you at home.
- Help her in housework!
Every woman appreciates a little help, even in small business.
- Spend more time together!
Go shopping together or engage in other activities that please you. After all, you have something in common: you love the same man.
With a little effort, you can make this relationship work. Think that nothing compares with peace and quiet in the family.